Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Time Out.

Remember Saved by the Bell? Of course you do. What a great show. I don't know anybody who didn't like that show, except my friend Dave who was scared of it and said it reminded him of what it would be like if aliens came to earth and pretended to be high school humans. Which, like, he's totally right but who cares? I think I must always have this fucking show playing somewhere in my head just below my level of consciousness because when I couldn't think of anything to ask for her "Ask Jessica" post that was what I came up with. Who is your favorite saved by the bell character? What a stupid question, of course she said Zack Morris. That's why I could never relate to Kelly, that stupid idiot spent way too much time trying to choose between Zack and Slater. Um, Zack Morris owns the worlds first cellphone prototype and can freeze time and AC Slater wears sweatpants and doesn't call anybody by their real names. How is that a hard choice. Zack went on to guest star in Law and Order SVU as a gay for pay porn star trying to finance his daughters cystic fibrosis treatment. Yeah right, the real Zack Morris would never have had to do that, he would have thought of a much zanier and G-rated solution. Oh, Zack. My favorite female character was Jessie Spano for some reason, and now that I think of it I've spent my whole life trying to cultivate Zack and Jessie relationships where I have a BFF dude who climbs in my window for platonic sleepovers and never tries to bang me. Spoiler alert: in real life THEY ALWAYS TRY TO BANG YOU. So disappointing, it's like, WHAT THIS NEVER HAPPENED WITH ZACK AND JESSIE! Actually it kind of did, I was going to cross my fingers and hope nobody remembered the episode where they kissed, but it turns out my vanity won't let me pretend to have forgotten that piece of Saved by the Bell trivia. Yes, I said vanity. I'm very vain about my status as a Saved by the Bell scholar.
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