Monday, December 19, 2011

If you hate getting presents you can send yours to me.

So Christmas is this week. I love Christmas because I love presents and I also like shiny and sparkly shit. I am like a bird that way. You know what, that would be a great present for my baby, a canary. Anyway I read an article this week about presents and how they suck and nobody should give or get them. Ew. I'm so glad I'm not friends with the idiot that wrote that article. What kind of person doesn't like getting presents. Probably the kind of person who over thinks everything. I over think nothing. Again, like a bird. That's not true but I wish it was, that I could hang out on a telephone pole all day thinking about nothing. I would be so dumb. And so happy. Anyway. Some people go crazy over presents. They worry about getting a present from someone they didn't get anything for. Bitch, please. Stop worrying about asinine shit. I love getting presents from people I didn't get anything for, it's called getting something for nothing, something some people will tell you never happens, so fucking embrace it. Who cares if they think you're a rude asshole, if you cared so much about their friendship in the first place you probably would have gotten them something, right? You should let that be your Christmas present to yourself: not caring if every idiot that you know likes you or not. I don't care if anybody likes me and it feels fucking great, let me tell you. And some people do still like me if you can even believe it. If I get someone a present and they don't get me one I assume they are secretly poor. Or that I like them more than they like me. Both of which are fine. I like being friends with poor people and also people who don't like me that much. If I didn't get you a present it's probably because I spent all my money on Thai food and proactiv and have none left. The chick that wrote the article about hating presents was pissed because people always buy her shit she doesn't like and if she wanted it she would have gotten it for herself already. Wow, what a dick. Also, this chick myst be a fucking A + consumer, having all this knowledge about every product that exists and already owning all of the ones she wants. There's lots of stuff i don't have that I want, I probably even want things that I'm not even aware of their existence yet. Those are the best presents! And guess what I do if I get a present I don't like, I give it to some loser who likes crappy shit. Then it's just like I never got it in the first place. Now that Borders isn't a place I bet I'm going to get a lot more crappy shit than usual, but I'm not going to get stressed out about it, because I'm not hung up on shit like reciprocity. That's my holiday guide for you, only get presents for people you want to get presents for and if you get something you hate set it up on top of a sawhorse in your yard and shoot guns at it. Happy holidays.
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