Sunday, November 27, 2011


I have PMS. I used to think PMS was a fake thing that boring loser girls made up as an excuse to act like fucking bitches, and now I have it, WHAT THE FUCK. Why is this happening to me, probably because I am fucking old and close to death.

Now that I have PMS I am fucking pissed about the way America treats PMS. Shit. I just made a motherfucking peanut butter nutella and raspberry panini and now I forgot what I was talking about, but in the time it took me to type that sentence I've found two more things to be mad about. One, don't you hate people who tell you panini is plural and you should have said panino? Not that anybody actually said this to me, I unfortunately have the voices of a thousand pretentious assholes in my head at all times, pissing me off even when I'm home alone. Two, my fucking pussy of a phone doesn't recognize the word motherfucker, but it recognizes the word Steve. There is no way this fancy fucking phone doesn't know about cursing, it is playing fucking coy with me and I hate it. I love this fucking phone more than I have ever loved any man and I even sleep with it under my pillow and yet it plays these games with me.
Oh yeah now I remember what I was originally mad about, PMS. I have it, and it feels like I am insane and I hate it. I seriously feel like a depressive Alzheimer's patient in the middle of a psychotic break. I want to cry all the time but I don't know why and I can't remember what happened five minutes ago. I hate that, but what I hate even more is that the media acts like men are the ones who are suffering. You know, because their wives turn into crazy psychos from their periods. Do you know what's worse than being subjected to a psychotic person? ACTUALLY BEING THAT PSYCHO. Oh, you don't like being confused by my bizzaro behavior? Well I'm fucking confused by it too. It's like being a fucking werewolf. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?
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