Tuesday, October 11, 2011

When I was working on my PhD I didn't want to be a professor. That's why I quit my program before I wrote my dissertation, I realized I was essentially spending all this time and money so I could prefix my name with "Dr." which is totally fucking stupid. I didn't think I would be able to handle dealing with a bunch of dumb college students every day without losing my god damn mind. If you have a job you can probably see where this is going. You're probably like "Aw, that's adorable, she thought that that once she joined the workforce she would be surrounded by peers that were intelligent and hardworking! How quaint!" Yes, that is what I thought. The joke is on me though, because now I work with a bunch of adults who are stupider than the kids I went to undergrad with. It's terribly depressing, isn't it, when you realize how incompetent and dumb the majority of adults are? When I was a kid I thought grownups knew what they were doing. Now I know the truth. Lawyers? Dumber than me. Teachers? Dumber than me. Doctors? Wait til I get to know some in my personal life, I'll probably come to the conclusion that they are just as dumb as anyone else. Yesterday at work my boss comes across a file that has the delay code RAZE on it. We work in the mortgage industry. She asks me what I think this delay code means. I tell her I'd assume it means the property has been or will be demolished. I guess she doesn't think I know anything because she calls her boss to ask him. He thinks it must stand for something. Real Asset something something. Because neither one of them knew the word raze. These people probably make three times as much as I do. After it turned out I was right they kept trying to figure out what the last two letters stood for. Zero equity? I didn't even tell them raze is a word, I just let them think I had magical ESP. Bosses don't like it when you are smarter than them. I learned this from my old terrible boss. She tried to have a talk with me one day about how certain attorneys didn't like me because I thought I was smarter than them. I was like "I am smarter than them, what do you want me to do?" i should probably just go back and finish my dissertation and never leave tge ivory tower for the rest of my life

Monday, October 10, 2011

My Name is Erin, and I Like to Dance!

Have you ever heard of yo gabba gabba? It's a stupid show for kids that I watch because biz markie is on it and their fucked up animation reminds me of the Tim and Eric show. I watch it with my kid, not by myself, in case you needed that clarified. I am going to mom out and talk about children's programming now so if you don't like mom blogs Im sorry. 

1. I just found out that DJ Lance Rock, the bizzaro spandex nerd with the big ass reading glasses, graduated high school  in 1983. My mind is fucking blown. That dude looks like he's 22 years old. 

2. My other mom friend thinks DJ Lance is gay.  If you're 58 years old like I am, you may remember when everyone thought Mr. Rogers was gay. Isn't it kind of shitty to speculate on someones sexuality based on their portrayal of a character on a tv show FOR CHILDREN? DJ Lance and PeeWee Herman and Mr. Rogers are characters, not real people. Anyway my friend knows DJ Lance is gay because he vogues. UPDATE: not everyone who employs vogueing in their dance repertoire is actually homosexual. Chris brown does it and he is so straight he beats women (that's really straight). Also, Bert and Ernie are not gay and the purple teletubby is not gay. They don't even have genitals; they're puppets. Also, who even cares if any of these people are gay. 

3. Moving on, here's what I hate about Yo Gabba Gabba. It's totally sexist. There are two girl characters on it, a pink one and a blue one. The pink one sucks. When they form a band and get to pick which instruments they want to play, the pink one picks the tambourine. <-- total suck. Dude, the tambourine isn't even an instrument. She might as well have picked that she wanted to dance in a cage while the real band members played. There's another episode where she actually does end up in a cage, because she picked to be a damsel in distress when they played dress up, and she was kidnapped by the blue girl character, who wanted to be an evil dragon. The blue girl character lies, sucks at art, and is a all around asshole. Basically the pink one is Elizabeth Hasselbeck and the blue one is Hilary Clinton through the eyes of a conservative. I can't wait to use Yo Gabba Gabba to explain the patriarchal agenda to my baby.
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