Brothers and Sisters
Now that I have a baby people want to know when I'm going to have another baby. Like I'm collecting babies or something. I don't know when I'm going to have another baby, I just tell people NEVER. Everyone thinks this is crazy. I don't think this is crazy at all. I like going to Europe and shit. I like eating meals that cost more than my phone bill. If I want to continue this shit and have TWO babies (which I would, I plan to continue this shit forever) I would probably have to get a real full-time job. FUCK THAT. People are so sad for my baby when I tell them I'm never having another one. She will be so sad and lonely, they say. Who even are these people! I have a brother, and he was totally useless to me growing up. I tried to blame stuff on him and nobody ever believed me, he was the obvious favorite even though I was twice as smart and three times better looking, and one time he pushed me into a curb and shattered all the bones in my foot. Now I see him four times a year and he always has a new creepy girlfriend I have to pretend to give a shit about. Being an only child sounds AWESOME to me. I like being by myself. My favorite memories of childhood involve shit like me walking home, by myself, pretending I was escaping the new world order of fascist robots that rose from the post apocolyptic dust. And my pretending skills are going to take me way farther in life than whatever teamwork skills these losers honed playing dolls with their sisters or whatever. Teamwork is for people without any talent. If my kid gets lonely she can make friends on the Internet like I did.