Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Whatchu Talkin Bout, Mama

My baby is starting to turn into me. She walks around looking at everyone like fucking Arnold on diff'rent strokes when he asks Willis what he's talkin bout. SKEPTIC FACE. My face pretty much looks like that permanently because I'm like perpetually skeptical as to whether everyone in the world can possibly be as stupid as they seem. And now my baby looks at me like that, yes, my one year old baby can't believe what an idiot I am. God, I can't wait until she's old enough to actually call me an idiot instead of just looking at me like one. Then I can send her to her her room with a bell curve to teach her the harsh lesson that like 99% of the population is even dumber than her dumb mom.
You know when you're little and people talk about "the real world," such as, "in the real world you won't be able to sleep all day" and "in the real world you'll have to cut your own meat"? I hated cutting my own meat. I used to ask my mom to cut it for me and then when I was like four she started asking me what I was going to do when I grew up, and if I was going to ask my prom date to cut my steak for me. To which I would be like "Uh, yeah, I will totally ask my prom date to cut my food for me, good idea, mom." anyway the worst thing about "the real world" isn't having a job or bills or having to cut your own meat, it's having to deal with mostly everyone being stupider than you. I kind of hope my baby isn't as smart as me so she will only have to deal with being frustrated with the stupidity of 49% of people. I know she isn't though, I can tell she is heartbreakingly smart. I guess we are going to have to take a mommy and me yoga class to prepare her for a lifetime of frustration.
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