Thursday, August 25, 2011

Well If You Feel Your Job's Secure, Keep it up, Then

I said I'm getting a new boss, right? I'm getting a new boss. Anyway, the old one did my performance review today. I don't know what the point of that was since as of five pm she's not even my boss anymore. Unfortunately the performance review went fine, because
I had the best plan of all time for if it went poorly: I WAS GOING TO PISS MYSELF. I was going to piss right where I was sitting and not even say anything about it, and sit there in a piss pants chair full of piss for the duration of the meeting. She probably wouldn't even notice until I left, and and even if she did, it's not like it's against the law, incontinence. If pissing all over myself and pretending there's nothing weird about it wouldn't have made me your personal hero you might as well just go away and never come back. YOU'RE DEAD TO ME NOW! If I ever get really rich somehow (which I never will because I'm lazy and not even remotely interested in anything that could potentially lead to me becoming rich) I would start giving people money to quit their jobs in insane ways. Like, if your boss has a glass eye, I give you $40k to eat a bag of glass eyes, walk into your bosses office, tell her her glass eye makes you sick, vomit barf made of glass eyes and bile all over her desk, and leave. I'll give you $37k to put on a Kool-aid man costume and smash through the wall between your and your bosses office on your way to HR for your exit interview. 
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