Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Throw Some Ds on it

I was going to write Sabrina's eulogy in the voice of ghostface killah today, but I guess I'll do that tomorrow instead because Mandy wants me to write about donut dick, or more specifically this guy she was having an affair with who wanted her to eat a donut off his dick. She can't write about it herself because his girlfriend might read it, and Mandy doesn't want to look like an ass on the internet or something. I don't know, I thought that was what the Internet was for, am I right?

Anyway, you're lucky I'm writing about it and not Mandy because she probably would have been like "we were driving through the dust when he asked me, fingers intertwined. His hand was sweating and I watched the telephone poles fly past, and I felt myself sliding away. I am always sliding away." Good thing I'm here to keep it real with y'all and let you know that some fat dude tried to get Mandy to eat a donut off his dick because she never would have gotten to the fucking point. She didn't do it of course. Don't worry, I'm pretty sure it wasn't because she has any self respect or anything, I think she was on a diet. So if you want Mandy to eat food off your dick there is still a chance for you, but you should probably suggest, like, a pineapple ring or a jicama wreath or something. 

I wish she would have done it so I could know what kind of donut he wanted her to eat. BOSTON CREAM. God. I wonder if Mandy will ever eat a donut again. I also love how this guy tried to turn Mandy into a sexual George Costanza. I'm pretty sure that's all Mandy has ever wanted in life, to be George Costanza, so now I see why she liked this dude so much even though he sort of looked like Rick Moranis. I also love how she is sheltering the girlfriend instead of being like "hey girl, your boyfriend wants to put his thang in a donut, just so you know." 
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