Thursday, August 18, 2011

So like a million people read my blog yesterday (seventy one). I didn't even write anything yesterday! Oh man, what if it was fallout from the donut dick post. WHAT IF IT WAS DONUT DICK'S GIRLFRIEND AND ALL HER FRIENDS. Yikes. Don't you guys think she should leave him? I think she should leave him. I think she's like 25. Hey girl, if you're reading this I want to let you know that these are the years where you can do anything you want. Seriously. You can do anything you want! You should dump that fucking 30 year old loser who makes other girls watch Woody Allen movies about cheating while they eat donuts off his dick and go teach English in Tokyo or something. And fuck better looking people. Trust me; I am very old and wise.
Ok, moving on. I transferred departments at work and I don't have to foreclose on people's homes anymore, so that's good. It turns out foreclosing on old and infirm people's homes will wear on you, even if you are a horrible asshole with a cold black heart. I also get a new boss with two real eyes. Did I ever tell you my boss has a glass eye? I've known two people in my life with glass eyes. My boss, and a drug addicted prostitute. I didn't trust either of them. I say didn't because the prostitute is dead. My boss is still alive unfortunately, but one day she will be dead, so that's good. Anyway, it's going to be nice to have a boss I can look in the face without having a panic attack. Did you guys ever try to have a conversation with someone with a glass eye? It's impossible to make eye contact with both eyes at once so you end up looking all over the place and getting motion sickness.
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