Tuesday, August 23, 2011

The Sky is Falling

So, earthquakes, huh. I live in the great plaines so I really have nothing to say about earthquakes, except that a friend of mine thought he caused one once. Was there a huge one in like China or something? It was that one. I know it's shitty to make fun of mental illness, but since everyone else does it, HOW FUCKING FUNNY IS IT WHEN YOUR FRIEND TELLS YOU HE CAUSED A DEVASTATING EARTHQUAKE! I don't know what it is about me that compels people to tell me shit like that. Like I don't see a dude for a whole year and suddenly he shows up on my porch telling me his horrible actions have provoked a natural disaster. I didn't want this dude in my apartment after I realized he had TOTALLY LOST HIS GOD DAMN MIND, so I went for a walk with him, during which he told me that all the hipsters we walked past at Lula's could read his thoughts. I guess I missed my true calling as a clinical psychologist, because the fact that people feel comfortable showing up at my house out of nowhere and telling me the craziest shit I've ever heard leads me to believe I would be the best clinical psychologist of all time. I don't know how I can even keep a straight face when people tell me this shit.  I'm just like "you're aware
this is irrational, no?" it's truly a skill to not blurt out "bitch, watchu talkin about" when someone goes this level of crazy on you. That's the personal statement that is going to get me a full scholarship to the psychiatry program of my choosing: "once someone told me he caused a mega earthquake and I acted like that was normal." Boom. 
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