Tuesday, August 09, 2011

Always a Cheater, Never a Homewrecker

I've never had an affair before. I slept with an ex of mine a few times while he had a girlfriend, but it was a few times over the course of like a year. I don't even think I knew that he had a girlfriend. Actually I don't even think HE knew he had a girlfriend, I think it might have been like one of those situations where you totally have a girlfriend but you see how long you can get away with telling her that you don't like labels or whatever. Or wait. That that their friendship means so much to you that you wouldn't want to ruin it by dating (EVEN THOUGH YOU ALREADY RUINED IT BY FUCKING THEM). I know all about these lies that cheaters tell, because I'm like a fucking professor of that shit. The sort of shit where I have a boyfriend that I won't call a boyfriend and I cheat on him all the time and tell him it's not cheating, until he can't take it anymore. God, no wonder I couldn't stop sleeping with that ex, we had so much in common, such as both of us being terrible people. Actually i don't even know if that ex was even doing that, I'm just guessing he was because that is the shit that i do. What is that called? Self attributional bias? No, its like the opposite of that. The dude i married knows I'm a terrible person. The other day he told me he hopes the baby doesn't inherit the hump around gene. Anyway I've never had an affair before. And now I never will because I've already fucked everybody I want to fuck. An affair sounds like a lot of fucking work to me, and I am one of the laziest motherfuckers you will ever meet. Or read about. 
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