Thursday, July 21, 2011

It's fucking hot.

Holy shit it's so fucking hot. Actually I don't even care how hot it is, what I hate is that it's so goddamned humid that I feel like the motherfucking sweaty hand of god has reached down from the heavns and is pressing me down into the sidewalk. Also this is the part of the year where I do battle with my white lady Afro. A white lady Afro is different than a black lady Afro because the wearer of the white lady Afro has a zero percent chance of looking like Eryka Badu and like a ninety percent chance of looking like Cameron Diaz in Being John Malkovich, aka the movie where they made Cameron Diaz ugly by putting my hair on her head.
I had short hair the last two summers I dealt with that by putting tons of expensive and slimy shit in it to essentially create the white lady jeri curl. But not this summer! This summer my hair is long enough to put it all on top of my head and wrap it around itself until it turns into the hair of a librarian/prom queen hybrid. Like the kind of crazy hair you could hide coke straws in and shit. Seriously it is fucking hot, Do you think I give a shit if I look like a post apocolyptic fucking ballerina.The first day I discovered this I came running out of the bathroom shouting "look what I can do to my hair again!" while my horrified husband grabbed the baby and shielded her from the fucking hairspray tsunami (Bed Head control freak in the green bottle. Word). Then he asked me why the baby's head smelled so good and I told him it's because I put morroccan oil in it, duh. What, that little chick has a white lady Afro too, just because she can't talk doesn't mean I can't read her sad little eyes, pleading with me to tame that shit. It is just too fucking hot.
|
Listed on BlogShares