Tuesday, July 05, 2011

Happy Birthday Mandy

Mandy's roast was fucking awesome. Everyone should roast their friends. Jessica was the roastmaster and she was awesome. Mandy's parents came so she started out by saying that the reason we were all there was because these two old people fucked once. Vaginally. Lots of jokes about depression. Did you know Mandy moved to Austin hoping the sunshine would cure her depression? Didn't work. That was Jessica's joke. I had a joke about 2006 being the time Mandy cried for a whole year. I guess that's really more of a recollection than a joke. I had visual aids. Visual aids like posters and shit, not visual AIDS which is what you get when you make direct eye contact with some of the guys Mandy has tried to sleep with. That have refused to sleep with her. Dude, roasting someone who can't even get laid by some of the ugliest guys on the planet is like shooting fish in a barrel. Jessica, as the roastmaster, roasted everybody there. She said now that now that I have a kid I'll probably never utilize my writing talent or something, and she thought she might have offended me. Haha yeah right. I've beem squandering my abilities since I was like four. There were also jokes about one of our friends having intense crushes on guys and Mandy stealing them. Wait, Mandy used to be a successful boyfriend stealer? What the fuck happened??? Speaking of squandering talents, I guess thats what happens; if you don't use it you lose it. Sorry Mandy. Now Mandy is back in Austin. Lame. Now I guess I get to begin the countdown to Sabrina visiting me. I hope I get to roast Sabrina one day because I can totally use that visual AIDS joke again.
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