Wednesday, June 01, 2011

When Harry met Sally

Today I was talking to Mandy about what she called some when Harry met Sally bullshit, aka when your dude friend tells you he likes you likes you. Pretty sure the first time I heard the phrase LIKE-like it was on the wonder years, and pretty sure the situation (the Kevin Arnold - Winnie Cooper situation) ended poorly. As did every situation in which a dude tells his chick friend he wants to be more than friends, am I right? I don't know, you tell me, did you tell your chick friend you liked her and it turned out fucking great? Yeah probably not. What a terrible fucking situation. And I am way to immature to deal with it with any type of honesty, i usually throw a drink all over myself to give myself an excuse to leave and then when I come back I pretend like nothing happened. Yeah, I am a coward. I would light myself on fire in order to put an end to a scene like that. Seriously, I could exit that scene with more grace ON FUCKING FIRE than I could if I tried to deal with it like a grownup. I can't wait until my daughter asks me for advice on this and I can be like 'spill something and GTFO, why do you think I always have a water bottle with me?" it's not a beverage, it's a parachute.
Anyway. All of mandy's friends love her now. She can't blog about it but I can blog about it, HAHahaha! Stupid dudez. Why do they think professing their love for their chick friends is a good idea? It's a terrible idea! Girls can bang whoever they want, if they wanted to bang you they wouldn't be friends with you! And she already knows you want to have sex with her anyway, you want to have sex with everyone! She has spent the whole friendship pretending I wasn't so and now you've spoiled everything! Stupid.
Ok, listen, if you are friends with me or probably any other girl you better never tell me you have a secret crush on me unless you are really sure I have a crush on you back. Like REALLY sure. Not like last time we were eating Thai food you thought maybe I looked at you more than usual. Probably a situation in which you could be sure would be if I had sex with you and then later didn't try to pretend it never happened.
All those movies where the best friends end up in love, those movies lied to you. Thats why they are movies, because guess who writes movies, fucking nerds. And they write movies about shit that never happens in real life, like Jonah Hill dating Emma Stone. Sorry Seth Rogan, pretty sure you never dated Emma Stone.
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