Sunday, June 05, 2011

Trying to blog more

Bought two tiny watermelons today so I can make watermelon and jalapeno slushies tomorrow. So that is what I'm going to do tomorrow, sit on my porch and drink delicious slushies all day. I don't work on Mondays because I hated my job and my boss so much I couldn't stand going in there every day. In case you didn't know I have the most boring job ever and I'm pretty sure my boss didn't even go to college. She would probably argue with that statement because she has her paralegal certificate, so that's the kind of person I'm dealing with, the kind of person who considers a certificate program "college." I know I should try not to think I'm better than other people or whatever, but I work with this lady every day and its impossible for me to deny that I'm superior to her in every way. Anyway, I spent $90k on a graduate education I'm not using at all, for anything, besides feeling superior to other people, so please let me keep using it for at least that one thing. Also if I've offended you you dont need to tell me I'm the dumb one for wasting all my money, I already spend way to much time trying to pretend that isn't true. I've truly mastered the art of self deception. Like, when I eat dates I pretend they're Madagascar hissing cockroaches, because they taste really good for cockroaches, and it distracts me from the fact that they taste terrible as non insect food. I'm really good at lying to myself. Anyway the whole point of this story is that I'm super pumped to make watermelon jalapeno drinks tomorrow. If anybody else has a fucking psychotic lunatic for a boss you should call in tomorrow, throw a watermelon and a jalapeno in the blender, a lime, maybe some mint, fuck it, pour in some tequila, and call your boss and tell her everyone wishes she were dead.
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