Wednesday, June 22, 2011

No seriously, what am I doing in life?

I don't know what to do with my life. If I look out of my window at work there's a skyscraper with a weird gold art deco penthouse on top that kind of looks like a head, and because I thought it was a romantic idea I asked it what I should do with my life every day for about a year. It never told me. I wonder if I could have a job pretending. I'm so good at pretending that I almost don't need to do anything with my life because I can just pretend I am. I mean, I talked to a building for a year. I wish I could teach a course on pretending to people who've forgotten how to do it. It's my absolute favorite thing to do and also what I am best at. There is no job of pretending.
Moving on. My second favorite thing is laughing. My ultimate fantasy is to die laughing. Like if something was so funny I could not stop laughing until I ran out of oxygen and just dropped dead. Maybe a comedian will pay me to be their muse and laugh at them all day long. After laughing I like making people laugh. When I can make people laugh I feel like I'm Jesus Fucking Christ himself. I could never do stand up because if nobody laughed at me I would probably kill myself I'm not joking.
Writing. I'm good at it but nobody is paying me to do it. That's weird. I don't want to write about anything boring. I don't want to use proper fucking English. Nobody is going to pay me to write anything and that's a damn shame.
Reading. Actually I'm better at reading than I am at writing. I'm better at reading than I am at pretending even. Reading taught me how to do all of that. Books are my father my best friend and my god. If anybody wants to clue me in on where the good jobs reading are that would be excellent.
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