Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Mandy, at Last!

Mandy is coming this weekend YAAAAYYYAGHGhghGhG! This is very exciting because I haven't seen Mandy for six months. Do you believe that in 2004 I didn't even know her? No, I don't believe it either. Mandy and I used to live together during 2005, the year--MATERIAL REDACTED FOR USE IN THIS WEEKEND'S ROAST. Yes, that's right, we are roasting Mandy this weekend. I hope she doesn't cry like Michael Scott did at his roast. Today I printed out visual aids for the roast. You can tell how much higher education I've received by the fact that I'm bringing visual aids to a roast.
Mandy and I are also going to have brunch at Dunlay's like we used to every weekend before she moved to Austin. Brunch sounds like such a classy thing to do but i had to drag us down into the gutter by being mega hungover and wearing cheap sunglasses and crying about not having any cigarettes because I'd smoked them all the night before. Once we were at Dunlay's and there was this awesome looking chick with a baby, she was wearing the baby in this awesome sling and the baby was fucking adorable, and I was like "oh man, I would look so cute with a cute little baby in a sling at brunch, I'm going to do that one day!" then a puff of residual smoke probably came wheezing out of my disgusting lungs right in poor Mandy's face. But I think that was the first time I ever thought I might want to have a baby. Anyway, after this weekend I'll be able to cross that one off my list, eating brunch at Dunlay's with a cute ass baby.
I secretly hope Mandy will move back to Chicago. Sabrina already lived stupidly far away and now Mandy does as well. Which is why I'm forced to have a dude for a best friend. I mean, I love Dave, but sometimes when we hang out people think he's my baby father, which is fucking weird.
I met Mandy on the Internet, but we really became friends he she started dating a friend of mine. A friend of mine that went on to pee on her in a non sexual manner. Sorry Mandy. Jessica also dated that guy and that is also how I met Jessica. I should probably write that psycho a thank you card.
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