Thursday, June 23, 2011

Holy shit man, I have terrible allergies. Why is this happening to me? I specifically quit smoking so that I would never have to suffer any physical unpleasantries ever again. And also so I would never grow old. Also what the fuck are these birds that are awake and irritating the fuck out of me starting at 3:00 in the morning when it is still dark outside? Is this a new thing or did I just never notice it before because before I had a baby I was drunk all the time. This is some bullshit. I think I'm going to start drinking and smoking again.
I feel like shit. I have a sore throat, a cough,a runny nose, a headache, and vertigo. And my eyes hurt and keep crying tears for no reason. I wonder what I'm allergic to. Probably the fact that we have no power. Yes, my whole town has been in a blackout for over 24 hours. I'm at my parents house right now because the idea of not being able to charge my iPhone gave me a panic attack. Yes, I am pathetic.
My parents are letting me sleep in their awesome comfortable bed because I am totally spoiled even though I am thirty. Probably they're trying to make up for my terrible childhood during which I wasn't allowed to eat sugary cereals or watch tv. I don't even know where they're sleeping. In the minivan? My dad is having an end of life crisis and bought a minivan in order to relive the days when my brother and I still lived under his roof and therefore had to pretend to care about him. We didn't even have a minivan when I was a kid, we had a Toyota Corrola. I told you I had a terrible childhood. It didn't even have cup holders! Even my baby's carseat has a cupholder. I can't wait until my parents wake up so I can ask them why they didn't love me enough to let me have beverages in the car when I was a kid. No wonder as an adult I have at least two bottles of water on me at all times, I now know who to blame my insane bottled water habit on. How is it possible that I feel this shitty when I am practically bathing myself in water from a French glacier? I should feel fucking fantastic. Is all the marketing I've been exposed to over the course of my life a lie? I'm going back to bed.
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