Tuesday, June 14, 2011

The Burbs

Remember that movie the burbs? That is an awesome movie. The suburbs are fucking weird. I should know, because I live in them now, and it's like a fucking John Cheever novel. Like I'm involved in some sort of vendetta with my next door neighbors for no reason. The lady doesn't like my dog and I don't like her stupid fucking face. She drives a stupid SUV with a sticker that says coexist on it, like where the "t" is a cross and the "x" is a star of David etc. Yeah right, this dumb bitch can't even coexist with me. I should ask her if it's because I'm Jewish and tell her to take that fucking sticker off her car. People in the suburbs are fucking crazy. My mom wants me to make friends with these people, NO THANKS. They're all like 45 and it's not like that's just some random number it's the number of years you've been alive, so whoever said age ain't nothing but a number (probably R Kelly) can fuck off. Although I am making friends with all of the elderly people. Being friends with super old people is like being friends with a story book. If you let them talk they will start telling you some of the craziest shit you've heard.

The suburbs just feel weird. Even the air is weird. Sometimes it makes me feel like I'm in the past and the future at the same time. Sometimes it makes me think I'm not real. Sometimes I think I'm definitely the weirdest person on the block but then other times I think about how secretly weird all my neighbors probably are. I want to climb in through their windows and go through all their things. Don't worry, I'm not going to.
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