Friday, April 30, 2010

Being pregnant sucks for vain people.

I have a baby in me, wow. I guess it is supposed to be awesome if you think about how you are making a new person or whatever, but the other 98.7% of the time when you are not thinking about that the whole thing is pretty fucking gay. I don't care if my child grows up and reads this. Guess what future child, being pregnant with you was fucking gay.

It started out right away being gay as hell. Did you know pregnant people aren't supposed to smoke or drink? Gay. In case it doesn't suck enough that you're not allowed to do anything fun you also have to do shit like cook your meat all the way through, WAY TO RUIN EVERYTHING INCLUDING EATING.

Now I am at the part of pregnancy where I don't even care about not being able to do things that are awesome, I don't even have time to think about doing awesome things now because I am too busy being stripped of my basic human right to be pretty. The great part is that I didn't think I cared about being pretty and really didn't think I even was pretty until now that I am not, of course now I think that I was and that it was awesome. DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'VE GOT TIL IT'S GONE, you can say that again John Mayer. Anyway you know those people on proactiv commercials that talk about how their face was so debilitatingly ugly they couldn't leave the house? And it's like, what kind of idiot doesn't want to leave the house because of their stupid face? Well I am now that kind of idiot. Except I still leave the house, I am just filled with self loathing until I can go back home and put on sweatpants, after which I hate myself in intervals instead of constantly.

So instead of being like amazed by my body because it can create life I hate it because it is fat. That means that I am a shallow and terrible person. OH MY GOD AM I UGLY ON THE INSIDE AND THE OUTSIDE? See, this is what pregnancy does to you, it makes you think about super weird shit. Kind of like if you were on painkillers, but less awesome and fun and more gay.
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