thank the gods for facebook
my junior year in high school i used to eat a green pepper for lunch every day and these sophmore guys that sat at a table by ours used to stare at me the whole time like they never saw anybody eat a green pepper before. then i would go outside and smoke and they would come outside and stand around awkwardly not smoking because they all played basketball and one of them asked me to homecoming one year and i said NO. i used to call them the starers. anyway this girl that grew up down the street from me just contacted me on facebook to tell me she is now dating one of them. i used to walk home from school with this girl and my sophmore year i dated this guy for like two months just because she liked him and she convinced me to do it so we could all hang out together because she was fat and it wasn't like he was ever going to date her. he is in prison now. anyway i wrote her back and asked said HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH WHICH STARER ARE YOU DATING I HOPE IT IS NOT LUKE LEMONS, which is the one that asked me to homecoming, and then i said she should have written me on the 21st because that is the birthday of the guy i let finger me behind a dumpster just so she could live vicariously through me, and if she wrote me on the 21st we could have sent him a card in prison. she wrote me back and told me luke lemons is dead and we can always send dumpster fingerbang a card next year because he is going to be in prison for like 10 more years. LUKE LEMONS IS DEAD? but i thought glorious tow headed rosy cheeked high school athletes never died. MAYBE HE IS STARING AT ME FROM HEAVEN. maybe he is watching me take showers! also, why is it that every year i can still remember dumpster fingerbang's birthday? i can't even remember dave's birthday and he is my best friend. i know it is in september and that is it. dumpster fingerbang's real name is sean, and he is half black and half puertorican and he used to force me to listen to pj harvey. when a black lady and a peurtorican man have a baby what on earth would possess them to name him sean. this is the question i have been asking myself for the past 15 years.