Monday, March 02, 2009

the number 13

today i got a letter from a guy named jason voorhees. woah! i said. I JUST GOT A LETTER FROM JASON VOORHEES! nobody in my office knew what i was talking about. what is wrong with these people? i had to call the one attorney that wears fingerless gloves to court and put him on speaker so that i could tell him i got a letter from jason because i felt alienated from society due to the people in my office being such idiots. seriously, in a room full of four people more than one of them should know who jason is. didn't a a new friday the 13th movie come out like 20 days ago, are these people not living in the same america that i am living in?

i don't even know what is supposed to be so scary about the number 13. i was born on the 13th so of course it is my favorite number because i am obsessed with myself. i also work on the 13th floor. which is weird now that i think of it, i am not sure if buildings are even supposed to have a 13th floor. is this a dream? AM I EVEN REAL? i guess i am not dreaming because i would definitely be able to tell. in my last dream that i remember i lived in a castle in the middle of the sea and i had a rooster following me around speaking portuguese and in the one before that i was chace crawford. nobody ever works in my dreams, next time i have one i am going to ask somebody where the money comes from, maybe i can get some ideas. actually i don't even know if i have ever seen money in a dream. it is like my dreams are utopia. except for the forty percent of them in which there are dead animal carcasses everywhere and i keep trying to go around them but i can't because they are falling from the sky and growing from the ground. i should ask my psychiatrist what that means.

yes i go to a psychiatrist, mostly because my mom is one of those people who think that everyone in the world needs to go to a psychiatrist. also because i think it is romantic to go there. i will even dress up for it. i don't mean dress up like dress nice, i mean dress up like a character. stilfled fifties woman of means! a pauvre daisy buchannon! alice in wonderland if she was 20! my psychiatrist think i am absolutely delightful. last time i was there i told him that i wanted to believe in heaven and he laughed and told me i was just not stupid enough for that and i was like no shit, right?
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