Tuesday, November 18, 2008

i will blame it on my blood transfusion.

sorry i haven't blogged for seven years, i was in rehab. don't worry, i didn't learn anything. anyway, i just got off the train and i had a voicemail from this blood bank i donated to, they didn't say why they were calling but obviously it is BECAUSE I HAVE AIDS, there is really no other reason for them to be leaving me cryptic messages unless I HAVE AIDS AND OR HEPATITIS. anyway i had to walk all the way home before i called them back because the lady said the phone number all fast, JESUS CHRIST LADY,SLOW YOUR ROLL, MY MIND IS RAVAGED BY AIDS. while i was walking home i wondered if i could convince my boyfriend he gave it to me. probably not since it is no great secret i spent two years of my life routinely fucking everybody. and i know you can't tell a person has aids by looking at them, but if it is possible for a person to look hiv positive i have probably banged him. i'm serious. one time my friend jenny met this guy i used to bang and the first thing she said was that he looked like he had hiv. HAHA. HE PROBABLY DOES! I GUESS NOW I HAVE IT TOO! i said. anyway, after i decided there was no way my boyfriend was going to believe this was not my fault i wondered if he was going to drag me into the car, take me to an abandoned lot, slam my head in the car door and then shoot me, because that is what i would probably do. then i wondered if i would be one of those people who is all cool and tells everyone i have aids, so what of it, don't be ignorant, or if i would just never tell anyone, even my parents. then i tried to decide who i was going to call if i had aids, probably mandy or sabrina. WHY DID I EVER DONATE BLOOD IN THE FIRST PLACE, I COULD HAVE LIVED MY WHOLE LIFE NOT KNOWING I HAD AIDS! this is what you get for trying to be a good person. aids knowledge. this is not fair, even my friend stacy the whore doesn't have aids, what the fuck. thank god for the internet, i am going to use the internet to find someone just like me with aids and they are going to tell me what to do, and also i can start a new blog called MARY HAD AIDS and i can write about my aids journey. it will be my legacy. seriously that is what a colossal loser i am, AT LEAST I CAN WRITE ABOUT IT ON THE INTERNET. anyway, then i called the blood bank, some lady answers who can barely even speak english, like are they going to pass the phone off to a trained professional or am i going to have to find out i HAVE aids from someone that can't even PRONOUNCE aids? guess what, ALL THEY WANTED WAS MORE OF MY BLOOD. i guess i don't have aids or they probably wouldn't want it, THANKS FOR THE MOST TERRIFYING TEN MINUTES OF MY LIFE CHICAGO BLOOD BANK.
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