Sunday, August 17, 2008

aka ghostface killah

so you know how i cut myself on tuesday or whatever day that was, anyway the next day i am at work and i realize i can't feel my thumb and am probably an idiot with nerve damage so i went to the doctor because even though i am one of those jackasses who refuses to go to the doctor ever i would rather do that than be at my job. i spent the entire walk to the doctor smacking my thumb against things and being amazed by how i couldn't feel it at all. 'i have a ghost thumb,' i told myself. anyway here is the conversation i had with the doctor. after reading this you are not going to believe i scored an 800 on the logic section of the GRE.

me: i can't feel my thumb. i don't know if that is because i severed all the nerves in it or if it's because i wrapped this band aid around it too tight.

doctor: why did you wrap it so tight?

me: because it was bleeding all over everything and then my dogs were licking all the blood off everything. i can't have blood all over my apartment!

doctor: why didn't you come in for sutures?

me: because i put a band aid on it, duh.

the doctor probably realizes i am a genius at this point. anyway i had to have four stitches in it so i guess now when i commit crimes my thumbprint is going to look really fucking tough. SCARFACE GHOST THUMB. i also have nerve damage but apparently thumb nerves grow back at a rate of one millimeter per month so i guess i will have feeling in my thumb again IN ONE OR TWO MONTHS. don't worry, it's my left thumb, i can't even remember the last time i used it.
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