Monday, July 28, 2008


now that i am married i have all these checks so on thursday i decided i was going to go buy a laptop. as i was endorsing all these checks i realized that my last name wasn't on any of them, what the fuck people, you are writing checks to a person who doesn't exist. i am one of those people who gets an idea out of nowhere, like 'hm, should i buy a laptop? maybe i should' and then within twenty minutes if i don't have a laptop i am going to die. there's a dmv like two blocks from my bank so i walked over there and got a new drivers liscence with my boyfriend's name on it for the explicit purpose of cashing a bunch of checks and buying a laptop. sadly i am not even joking. i was pretty much planning on keeping my own name forever until it started impeding on my ability to be rash, impatient and stupid. it only took ten minutes because nobody goes to the dmv downtown except for me. seriously, i have never seen another person in there. i am like 'okay, now that i am a whole new person i am ready to cash these checks' except the stupid bitch at the bank would not let me cash them because they have my boyfriend's name on them also, which i guess is understandable so i ask her if he can endorse them or if he should actually show up at the bank with me, and she says NEITHER because we can not cash them unless we have a joint account.

this is when i started to get extremely pissed off because i am never going to open a joint account with my boyfriend EVER. what is even the point of that. so that i can spy on him and make sure he isn't buying hookers? uh, that flies directly in the face of my don't ask don't tell policy. the stupid teller was all incredulous about the fact that i didn't want to open a joint account at her stupid bank. oh god i was so pissed off. i told her if she made us open a joint account all i was going to do was put the stupid checks in there and then withdraw them five minutes later and close the account and she is like WELL THAT IS WHAT YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE TO DO THEN. i can't wait to go back to the bank and close my account. when they ask me why i am closing my account i am going to be like BECAUSE YOU GUYS DISCRIMINATE AGAINST INDEPENDANT PEOPLE. that is when they are going to suddenly let him endorse those checks to me but i am still going to close my account, and then i am going to have to open a whole new account at a whole different bank and i am never going to get my laptop but i don't even care because I HAVE PRINCIPALS.
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