Tuesday, May 06, 2008

meat is murder

i just made fried rice with ham and pineapple. not for me obviously because i am not a horribly disgusting human being who eats things like ham and pineapple at the same time. my roommate and my boyfriend both like that shit. my boyfriend picked up the rice for me and he got this shit that takes forty minutes to make. what the fuck kind of rice is this? i thought rice was supposed to take three minutes. or one minute i guess if you get the kind that is called minute rice. he said the forty minute rice is HIGHER QUALITY. hah, yeah right. like there are quality gradiations of rice. eating rice is like taking a newspaper and tearing it up into hundreds of little balled up peices and then eating it. something else that is disgusting is ham. where even is the blood of it? i thought meat is supposed to be soaking in it's own blood, that's the whole reason it is good. the blood. chicken doesn't really have that much blood either, which is weird since it totally has veins and arteries you can accidentally bite into if you want to have the most disgusting experience of your life. i wonder what a pigeon tastes like. probably better than chicken. pigeon is probably greasy as hell because those things are fucking fat and lazy. did you know that pigeons are not even scared of fire? so i guess that makes them either the smartest or the dumbest animal ever. seriously, they will get really close to fire. closer than i will. i wonder if you could teach a pigeon to cook. probably you could, i mean didn't they used to teach them to take messages to people in the old days? some hobo could totally teach one to fly up and drop the squirrel meat on the garbage can fire. except that would be one industrious hobo who would probalby not be a hobo for long.
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