Wednesday, May 07, 2008

i hate the bus

i don't even get how people ride the bus. i always want to like riding the bus because if you look into a bus while it's going past it kind of looks like everyone in there is part of some kind of low budget movie about the beauty of ugliness, but then when you get inside it it is not actually like that at all.

the bus is like my mortal enemy. every time i ride my bike i feel like i'm in fucking frogger because every bus on the road, which is like twenty thousand of them, is about to run me over. last year i got sideswiped by a bus AT LEAST THREE TIMES. getting sideswiped by a bus is great especially if it sideswipes your bare skin and leaves A GIANT HICKEY all over you. when everyone at work asks you why there is a giant hickey covering your entire arm you can tell them it is because a bus tried to run you off the road. i could probably stop riding my bike like i'm on a fucking suicide mission and this would stop happening but shit just isn't fun for me if i don't kind of feel like i might die doing it.

obviously i almost got run over by a bus today and am still pissed about it. good thing i am the kind of asshole that will then get right in front of the bus in the middle of the street and refuse to move to the side. OH YOU DON'T WANT TO SHARE THE LANE WITH ME LIKE A NICE BUS, FINE, I GUESS I AM GOING TO TEACH EVERYONE ON YOU A LESSON BY RIDING MY BIKE DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF YOU AND YOU ARE NOT GOING TO BE ABLE TO PASS ME FOR SIX BLOCKS! this is the kind of asshole behavior that can make me feel good for the whole rest of the day because it nourishes that part of my heart that is dedicated to bus revenge. (like 30% of my heart is dedicated to bus revenge).

other things i thought about today besides bus revenge while i was riding my bike in the rain this morning were acid rain and those stupid things you can fasten to your bike above your back tire so water doesn't splash up on you. those things are stupid. what is the point of riding your bike in the rain if water is not going to splash up on you. i love going to work with dirty street water all over me. when you can show up at work with dirty street water all over you and still be the best looking one there that is when you know you have truly made it.
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