Tuesday, April 22, 2008

i wonder what it is like on your birthday in jail.

my roommate is still shunning his one friend so today i photoshopped a picture of him making the universal sign for call me and made a word bubble that said CALL ME and then i stuck it in some mail and wrote ATTN: DAVE LASTNAME on it, he actually thought that kid sent it to him. I HAVE THE BEST JOKES. of course i did this at work because i have more important shit to do at home, like practicing the comedic art of spitting out drinks. dave saw this thing on channel 11 where john ritter talks about how this is truly a learned skill, so now we are going to learn it.

i should also give a shout out to my ex boyfriend in the clink because his birthday was yesterday. don't ask me why i can remember when his birthday was and i can't even remember when my own birthday is half the time. probably because he was the most boring person ever and my friend amy told me it was because he was a taurus so now i am forced to remember that he was a taurus until the end of time. i'm not even sure why i thought that guy was so boring, looking back on it he probably wasn't even in the top ten of boring people i know. i don't know though, pretty much all i remember about those glorious times is getting fingerbanged behind a dumpster, climbing onto the roof of my high school and almost breaking my leg, and him getting arrested and his mom calling me a slut. also i had a huge crush on his best friend. pretty much the story of my life those days was banging exceptionally attractive people and secretly pining away for their uglier and more hilarious best friends.

in case you forgot my ex boyfriend is incarcerated for killing someone with his car in the midst of a drunken stupor. i think ninety percent of my ex boyfriends have drunk driving records. they are probably all going to jail one day. i think that's the only one whose mom called me a slut though, so i guess my memories for him are extra special.
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