Friday, March 21, 2008

what the eff

march. in like a lion, out like a bigger lion, with surgically implanted stainless steel super-teeth and a mane made out of razor blades. why the fuck is it snowing right now??? this is so gay. isn't easter like tomorrow? i don't remember seeing any snow in all the pictures of lazarus raising jesus from the dead that i sit around staring at in my free time. or wait it was jesus that raised lazarus from the dead, i just looked it up on wikipedia for posterity. never mind. god, i guess all kinds of people used to rise from the dead, why the fuck doesn't that ever happen anymore? god hates us, that's why. first he won't raise our modern dead and then he makes it snow in march.

i guess i will talk about all of the things that are pissing me off right now. i had to go to a funeral last week and the whole time i was ready for this lady i hate to show up so i could tell her to get the fuck out of my face. i have seriously hated this lady since i was three years old and she told me i was going to die one day. then she majorly fucked over the guy whose funeral it was so i decided she better not show up there or i was going to tell her to go fuck off. i couldn't decide if i should just tell her to get the fuck away from me and leave it at that or if i should add on something about how she was going to die one day too and nobody in the world was going to care. god, that is one of those horrible insults that really confirms a person's own deepest fears. that shit would probably haunt her for the rest of her days. she would think of me on her deathbed. anyway, the stupid whore didn't even show up. what the eff! that was supposed to be my finest moment. protecting my family from the worst person in the world. she probably didn't show up because she tried calling my dad that day and he hung up on her.

i am pissed off at my brother right now also because i have called him every day for three days and he is not calling me back. if someone you love committs suicide is it normal to be scared everybody else you know is also going to commit suicide? haha i just said i loved someone. don't get used to it. what a fucking sham. you know how love is supposed to make the world go round? well, it turns out it can't even make people not shoot themselves in their heads. i always knew love was a waste of my time. also i'm not even allowing myself to be pissed off at my brother for not calling me back and making me think he committed suicide because if he really did commit suicide i would feel bad for being mad.

that is the curse of consciousness. i seriously wish i did not have the capacity to think about what my future thoughts might be regarding the thoughts i am currently having. that is like an intellectual ourbouro.
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