Tuesday, February 12, 2008

ass douche dick shake

i got to hang out with the most annoying dick face ever this weekend. me and mandy went to pick this idiot up and it took him 25 minutes to come out of his house so we were all sitting in the car freezing to death while this dick face tried to decide which stupid flannel shirt made him look more like he didn't give a shit about what he was wearing or whatever the fuck he was doing in there. then he gets in the car and won't tell us where to go so i'm like OKAY LET'S GO TO CLEO'S and he is like CLEO'S BEFORE TEN O'CLOCK? sorry dick face, i only go to cleo's before ten o'clock because if i listen to bon jovi after the clock hits double digits i turn into your mom. then we decided to leave cleo's for whatever reason (because it sucks and is full of ugly people) and stupid dick face wouldn't tell us where he wanted to go so me and mandy drove to treat which took like 10 whole minutes and not until we're parking the car is he like ARE THERE VEGAN OPTIONS? hm, i am really not conveying how annoying that was. here, read that part again but read it SUPER FUCKING SURLY. don't worry dude, you can get your stupid vegan coconut gemelli there, don't forget to ask the waitress if it's vegan EVEN THOUGH IT SAYS IT IS VEGAN RIGHT ON THE STUPID YUPPIE VEGETARIAN PAUVRE HIPSTER MENU. then me and mandy started talking about eating abortion duck fetus straight from the eggshell and he is like HOW IS IT NOT COOL TO HAVE AN ABORTION BUT IT IS COOL TO EAT DUCK FETUS IN THE EGG. uh, i though we were living in the year two thousand and eight and all the cool kids were having nonchalant abortions at home IT IS SO COOL TO HAVE AN ABORTION, DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT COOL IS? this guy doesn't even know what cool is. then he started talking about how he used to study sociology back in the day. dude, you are 29 years old, stop acting like you are a veteran of life. mandy says he thinks he is better than everyone else because he is a professional grad student. guess what, i am a professional grad student too so i know what i am talking about when i tell you that professional graduate students are the biggest losers on the planet. then me and mandy pretended like we had to go home because we were tired even though it was NINE PM ON A SATURDAY and i guess everyone else went to dick face's house and he told them all he was fucking 12 different girls. yeah right, even i would never sleep with this guy, and i'm pretty sure i've slept with people who can't even read. anyway the only cool thing about sleeping with 12 people at a time is when your friends are like HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE YOU SLEEPING WITH ANYWAY? and then it takes you twenty minutes to figure it out because you keep forgetting one and you are like OH IS THAT A LOT? I DON'T EVEN KNOW BECAUSE I AM SO COOL AND SEXUALLY LIBERATED! anyway that guy is either a liar or a rapist. god, this is why i never leave the house.
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