Monday, January 07, 2008

i am a bear now

i guess i will elaborate on things that are creepy e.g. my dog and twin peaks. i am talking about my other dog delilah now who has probalby never been mentioned on this blog because she is less cute and i like her less and usually pretend she doesn't exist. which is hard because she is annoying. the other day she was annoying me by drinking water out of her bowl and i told her i was going to put bleach in it.

last night i couldn't sleep and was bored as hell, it was 3:04 which i think might be the hour of satan or something according to that stuid ass excorcism of emily rose movie so i thought maybe i should go stand in front of the mirror and say bloody mary three times. that shit never works. then when i was walking back to my room i started to think i could probably scare the complete bejesus out of myself if i pretended twin peaks scraggle man was behind me. so i turned around and imagined twin peaks scraggle man and then i ran back to my room. except it wasn't really that scary so i thought maybe it would be scarier if i pretended scraggle man was squatting down behind a chair in my room staring at me which actually was way scarier. then i decided it was time to go to sleep so i closed my eyes and i saw this fucked up decrepit person thing with perfect posture, probably the scariest thing i have ever seen. i am pretty sure it was the devil. i was so excited that my own brain is creepier than david lynch. and mark frost. <-- every episode of twin peaks reminds me that mark frost co-created it. too bad i have no fucking idea who that is.

also the dog is still completely creeping the fuck out of me and today i came home and there was a fucking turd on the floor. even though i walked her this morning, what the eff. probalby she literally scared the shit out of herself when she finally realized how creepy she was. then i go in the bathroom and there are like four turds in the bathtub. why in the fuck would a dog shit in the bathtub i have no idea but i guess if my dog can shit in the bathtub i can probably teach her how to shit in the toilet. anyway i wanted to clean it up before my roommate came home and found out my dog shit in the bathtub so i grabbed a bunch of "toilet paper" aka brown paper towels i stole from work because i am too lazy to buy real toilet paper and there was a paw print on the toilet paper. which was sitting on top of the toilet. and there was also a paw print on the actual toilet. um do you know what this means? MY DOG TRIED TO TAKE A SHIT IN THE TOILET AND OR WIPE. holy shit this creepy dog is a mental genius.
idiot savant dog
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