Tuesday, October 16, 2007

don't make your boyfriend the the benefactor of your life insurance policy or he might try to kill you with jewelry

the HR lady at work brought me some life insurance papers the other day. who even knew i had life insurance through my job? anyway i put my boyfriend on there because i actually knew his address and what do i care who profits off my death anyway I WILL BE DEAD AND THUS UNABLE TO DO THINGS LIKE CARE. anyway he got me this ring the other day and i wanted to know why it weighed twenty pounds and he said it was because it was made out of polonium. do you guys know what polonium is? IT IS A RARE AND HIGHLY RADIOACTIVE METALLOID. WHEN I LOOKED IT UP ON THE INTERNET THERE WAS A PICTURE OF A SKULL AND CROSSBONES. anyway at first i was like hm, i guess my boyfriend is an idiot and mixed up polonium with pallanium or platinum or plastic or something. then out of nowhere i started to feel like i was dying of cancer. wait until you start dying of cancer, you won't know how you know what dying of cancer feels like, but you will know that you are. i guess that it is the magic of the collective conscious. i am pretty sure this ring is actually radioactive and is murdering me. also, murdering your girlfriend with radioactiave jewelry is probably the best way to murder someone i have ever heard, and i know a lot of tricky ways to murder someone from watching forensic files. anyway, someone who knows about radioactive metals please tell me if i should stop wearing the ring or if it is too late. if it is too late i am going to keep wearing it and hopefully the radium will infuse me with super powers.
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