Wednesday, July 04, 2007

independence day is a great time to think about how you were horribly depressed for like a year.

yesterday i sat on a roof in the rain and threw firecrackers at cars. i did the same thing two years ago except there were no cars. all i really remember about that fourth of july is that i was in general miserable and none of my friends were there because i was pretty much terribly sad for like that whole year and i decided that i did not deserve to have friends. last year on the fourth i wore a cape and i think i also tied a big ribbon around my head like a fucking sweatband and then i ended up wandering off and drunkenly calling this guy because i didn't know where i was and he came to pick me up and i was beligerant and dressed like a fucking superhero. i guess this picture was taken before i completed my metamorphosis into drunken captian america. i don't know why my head looks so big in it.

hm now i am thinking about how i was in a constant state of melancholy for like 9 months. i really am not sure if anybody noticed. i fucking hope not. it's kind of strange how long you can be totally despondent and just keep floating through life. like when you're thirteen and you're sad everything is so dramatic and you slam doors and try holding your breath until you die but then later when you are a grown up you are like wow i don't even have the energy to even fucking think about anything i guess i will just keep waking up early and hating everything and maybe later i can get drunk enough to pretend to relate to other people.
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