Saturday, June 16, 2007

today i had to drive out into the middle of nowhere to drop someone off i made sabrina drive and i was so hungover i couldn't even direct her to the expressway because i forgot the words for concepts such as "left" "right" and "street." then we drive to nowhere land and then on the way home my tire exploded. i am like I CAN ACTUALLY CHANGE A TIRE but then i didn't have a jack or whatever in my car so these crazy meth face dudes come and try to help us until sabrina started feeling like we were in deliverance so we started walking and we walked like three miles and ended up at this stupid mall in the suburbs and we went to the rainforest cafe. the rainforest cafe makes me want to stab myself in the stomach and pull out my own intestines and i was so sure the bartender drugged my pineapple juice that i didn't even drink it even though it was $3.75. sabrina signed up for triple a so they would come get us and they sent us henry lucas. like i pretended i didn't shut the door all the way when we get into his truck because i had to make sure it opened from the inside that's how psychotic this guy looked. then the guy has to tow my car to go put air in it because my spare tire is flat also and at the gas station i found a TROJAN MAGNUM BOX and it says SORRY WE COULDN'T HELP YOU CALL US AND WE'LL MAKE IT UP TO YOU. THESE WHITE TRASH METH FACES LEFT US THIS. ON A RIPPED OFF PEICE OF CONDOM BOX. it was the only paper they had in the car. that was what it said on the other side which almost made me want to call them because it was kind of hilarious. we had to take streets all the way home because psycho killer from prison told me my other tire is going to blow out at any moment. we didn't get back to my apartment until like 9.

sabrina is talking on the phone to her mom right now about how she didn't want to look at methface guy's mouth because it looked like he was chewing on a peice of wood for ten years. good thing i am one of those stupid people who thinks shit like this is fun otherwise i probably would have started crying OH LOOK AT MY STUPID LITTLE CAR WITH WRITING ALL OVER IT FROM THE IMPOUND LOT AND NOW I HAVE TO WALK SEVEN MILES FOR SEVEN HOURS TO FIX MY LIFE. no i actually enjoyed being stranded in the middle of the highway surrounded by the dregs of humanity.
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