Sunday, December 24, 2006

and now the drunkest pictures of myself i could find

i am so fucking bored on christmas eve.

i can't decide if i should stay here or drive to oak park and make my brother drink heavily with me while we make fun of people's myspace profiles or something. i should probably put up a myspace bulletin like IF ANYONE IS IN CHICAGO YOU SHOULD PROBABLY COME OVER I HAVE THREE BOTTLES OF VODKA IN MY FRIDGE. WE CAN LISTEN TO DAVID BOWIE AND MY DOGS ARE BEING CUTE. too bad myspace bulletins are gay and i am gay and the only one online probably because i should be at the bar OH MY GOD WHY AM I SUCH AN ALCOHOLIC?

i am clearly extremely drunk here. and you can not see it but i'm wearing some kind of fucking atrocious ball gown and drinking a forty on my roof.

hm what am i getting for christmas. i am guessing maybe a sweater. i do not think i have worn a sweater since i was nine. is my phone charged yet? i just talked on it until it died. because i am fucking bored.

i don't believe i am putting this picture on the world wide web this is me in barcelona an hour before some dude broke down the door to the hostel and tried to rape me. also some old dude tried to solicit me that night because he thought i was a whore and i look terrible because it was like 102 degrees and i was drinking all day long.

okay i want to tell you all about the bad bad things and awesome awesome things i have been doing since wednesday but i can't because my one friend opened pandora's box and searched for my blog that i told him i didn't want him to read and now i can't tell you about how WE WENT OUT FOR HIS BIRTHDAY AND HIS BEST FRIEND CHARGED ALL THESE DRINKS ON HIS TAB AND HE FREAKED OUT SO WE LEFT AND HE FREAKED OUT MORE AND PUNCHED A HOLE IN THE WALL AND ENDED UP TEXTING HIM FEAR 4 YOUR LIFE FROM THE PADDY WAGON. oops sorry pandora you are not supposed to be reading this anyway and at least i didn't name you. actually that is the censored version if you can believe it.

i actually don't look that bad here considering five minutes after this picture was taken i was being carried out of the place. i do however look fat as hell.

okay time to drive to oak park i think i want to drive so i can listen to that one fucking frank black song on repeat for half an hour i would do that here but i think it would drive my argentinian neighboor downstairs batshit insane and he is already all alone on christmas. i should tell him to come over but i would probably fuck him and i've already filled my quota for the month. haha just kidding i'm celibate. and a virgin.

happy christmas.
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