Tuesday, November 21, 2006

whoops cocaine!

i just went to buy a pack of cigarettes with change and when i opened my change thing there was a bag of yayo in there. (i'm a wannabe coke head so i misspell llello as yayo HEY YO!)this is what cocaine does to your brain. turns you fucking retarded like me so don't do it. okay!

because on wednesday i was out for my beautiful friend jenny's birthday and some old hispanic man walks up to me and says 'you look bored' and presses a bag into my hand and i'm like uh, what? and then he walks away and i walk into the bathroom and blow it up my nose. i like how my friends and i can walk into one stall together and blantantly do blow and we don't think anybody should care. IS THIS DATE RAPE POWDER? I DON'T KNOW MAYBE? IT SMELLS LIKE COKE THOUGH. HEY I THINK IT'S OKAY. and then we all do a line and walk out like everyone is supposed to think we were just changing our tampons together or something.

the most exciting part of me having it was that it was free so i got to walk around all night asking my friends if i was god and also when i went home i put it in this tiny little monkey jar i have that looks like a coke! monkey! because it's eyes are all geeked looking. this is how i know i will never be a drug addict beucause i can have a monkey full of drugs sitting on my dresser for a week and forget i have it. there is a clever joke in there somewhere about a monkey on my back versus a monkey on my dresser.

anyway my new thing to do is like sporadically doing bumps while drinking heavily i think this works to let me not have any idea how fucking drunk i am because i feel ALERT. for example saturday i was clearly trashed because i forgot everything that happened. like apparently i fell in love with a fifteen year old. also i think he was gay. actually i totally remember that but i don't remember a single thing that either one of us said to each other and i also thought he was like 20 but then i stalked him down on myspace and found out NO HE IS FIFTEEN I AM GOING TO JAIL. it's okay though i made up a new rule. IT'S NOT CHEATING IF IT'S NOT LEGAL. that is a good rule for when it is okay to cheat on your boyfriend. other good rules include IT'S NOT CHEATING IF IT'S NOT NEW DICK and IT'S NOT CHEATING IF IT'S WEDNESDAY. i mean i'm still going to jail but at least i haven't broken the rules of cheating.

hm. other things i forgot on saturday. oh i forgot punching some guy in the head. it is always good when your friend is like 'i liked when you punched that guy in the head' and you're like 'uh what?' HEY PERSON WHOSE HOUSE IT WAS DO YOU LIKE HOW I TURNED YOUR HOUSE INTO A BORDELLO OF VIOLENCE ILLEGAL DRUGS AND STATUTORY RAPE?

i should probably start doing drugs all the time they are like a real catalyst for totally bizzare behavior and now that i am losing my youthful beauty i am going to have to get eccentric quick or god will strike me down for being boring.
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