Wednesday, July 05, 2006

i actually wrote something good today but then i lost it. fucking blogger.

i got so drunk yesterday that i went into an alley to pee even though i was at a bar that had a bathroom because i am a drunkard with a prediliction for peeing in alleys i guess and then my phone rang and i started walking and like three minutes later i was like I DON'T KNOW WHERE THE FUCK I AM COME GET MEEEEEEEE!

also i was wearing a cape. and i had a fucking patriotic ribbon tied around my head. like the way drunk businessmen tie their ties around their head. i guess. even though i've never seen anyone do that.

in other news my landlord accosted me while i was carrying my bike downstairs yesterday and asked me when i was getting rid of my dog. thank you for talking to me for ten minutes while i'm precariously balancing a forty pound bike on my shoulder. on stairs. also did you not get the memo that i'm not getting rid of my dog? the one about how i have rights and shit? THE ONE WHERE I FUCKING DID RESEARCH AND CITED COURT CASES? don't tread on me.

also today i noticed that my roommate took the timer when she moved out. which she said was a replacement for my timer that she melted. i guess that was a lie. my fucking awesome timer that looked like an orange. OH MY GOD MY TIMER IS A CLOCKWORK ORANGE SO FUCKING AWESOME! NOT JUST A TIMER BUT A STATEMENT ON HUMAN NATURE! i am sure i got so much fucking joy during whatever drunken moment i had that little epiphany.

i am going to continue to wear my cape all week. also i am going to continue getting so drunk that i have twenty minute conversations with people about how i hate their friends. it is really a good thing that i AM me because if i wasn't i do not think i would enjoy being around me.
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