Wednesday, June 28, 2006

what is wrong with me

usually when i am walking around outside i think about weird shit to see if i can scare the fuck out of myself like the other day i saw this wheelchair guy like a block ahead of me sitting in front of his house and i'm like woah how fucked up would it be if that guy didn't even need a wheelchair and he was just sitting there waiting for someone to walk past so he could jump up and sneak attack them and stick a needle in their arm and sit them in his wheelchair and wheel them off to his torture chamber or whatever and then i thought about what i would look like all drugged out and drooling sitting in this dudes wheelchair of death. anyway then i walked past him and he said hi to me and i almost had a heart attack even though i see this guy every day and i'm pretty sure he is not out to sneak attack kill me.

i wonder if it is normal to work yourself up all bad on purpose to see if you can induce a chemical fear response in your brain. i am guessing i am not entirely alone here.

anyway my new thing is that moonface is living in the attic because last time et was here she heard a phantom dog coming from upstairs. i hear that shit all the time but i thought it was because i am crazy. so i spent about an hour today pretending that moonface was in the attic. then i came home and i couldn't find the broom and i started fucking freaking out completely like OH MY GOD MOONFACE IS IN THE APARTMENT AND HE IS GOING TO BLUDGEON ME TO DEATH WITH THE PLASTIC PHILLIPE STARK BROOM HANDLE. and then i had to look in all the rooms and make sure no one was in them. i actually did that. also while i was doing it i was totally freaked out like so what the fuck if someone is in here i find them and then what they stab me in the face?

man i am so fucking good at manipulating my emotions that one day i am probably going to push myself over the edge and i am never going to come back.
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