Tuesday, June 20, 2006

and i made it all the way through the nineties never having done the electric slide

i went to a muslim wedding this weekend and spent a lot of time in the parking lot smoking cigarettes and drinking vodka out of the bottle. the girl getting married used to get drunk and combative and rip off all her clothes and run through the woods naked and throw up on herself and sleep outside. one time we got in a fight on a fire escape. hair pulling happened. so anyway she is married now.

we used to go to book fairs and buy vc andrews novels for fifty cents and mark the pornographic parts for each other. we got sent home from work for discussing abortions while making waffles for a bunch of rich people. rich people never have abortions and if they did they would never discuss it over brunch.

one time we found this couch in the alley behind an abandonned building and we decided we were going to live in it. we stuffed a bunch of our shit in the cushions and sat around on it smoking cigarettes all day long. we might have ditched school and taken naps on it during second period.

that is not something married people do. take naps in the alley. married people do not discuss abortions and hangovers. married people discuss logistics all day long with their spouses and then later when they talk to you they discuss how annoying it is to discuss logistics all day long with their spouses. then they discuss their great new technique for scrambling eggs in an espresso machine.

when you are married, i said, i am still going to get way to drunk at your house and lay around in your bed all day the next day. and when you have kids i am going to say the eff word in front of them all the time. it's okay. i'll probably also teach them how to read.

i went to a muslim wedding this weekend. i don't believe you are the first to get married i said. and everyone agreed with me. yeah we thought erin would be the first. WHAT. why a person who doesn't like routines and doesn't like sharing would be the first to get married i have no idea. if i ever get married when it is my turn to say i do i am going to be lying. i am going to be wondering if i should get the whole thing annulled after.

i went to a wedding this weekend. it was a nice wedding. i did the electric slide.
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