Thursday, May 04, 2006

check out this message i just got on myspace

subject: read me, read me


so yeah.

i'm at work and I'm bored. i feel like harassing you. you're my favorite harrassee. but it's neither late, nor am I drunk, so this message will be on the boring and mildly retarded side. the absurdity level of my myspace messages varies from mild retardation all the way up to the-gibberish-that-comes-out-of-those-bums-in-the-back-of-the-el. alcohol is the determining factor.

speaking of bums and the el: a bum seriously took a dump on the el's red line yesterday. i have witnesses. he just squatted down and when the train stopped, he went. no joke. everyone went running off that car in horror. but i stayed. i couldn't move. i was paralyzed by laughter. he told me to shut up. but i didn't. i just stood there. i was just so shocked that a human being could possess that level of shamelessness. it was the most fucked up thing i have seen in a long time. and it smelled. god bless the red line. but enough of this potty talk.

we should figure out logistics for our date next tuesday. (did he seriously just use the word dateohhhh noooo he did notttt!) you're going! fuck school. where has the niu erin g. gone? did you ever go to a single morning class that semester? the answer is no.

why are you still in school? what are you getting your next degree in? you have to be halfway to your doctorate by now. (actually, i am quite jealous. i really am. i wish i could still go to school. i hate work. but they all expelled me and put lifetime bans on me. stupid northern, u of I, and wah-wah-tech).

sigur rós is a cool band you will like them. it's not one of my psycho industrial bands. i listen to a lot of stuff nowadays and this is definitely towards the kindler-gentler-side. but i think you already know who they are. otherwise you would have just ignored me (like you normally, and rightfully should, do).

but enough rambling and diverging. logistics. here is my *special* phone number, it rings all the phones i own, everywhere, (work, cell, home, concentration camp guard's room, etc., etc.): XXX-XXX-XXXX. give me a call this weekend or on monday. i can either pick you up or we can meet at the civic opera house. it's at 7. either way is cool with me. but i would prefer to pick you up. that way i know where you live and i can stalk you outside of just myspace. i am planning on walking or taking the orange line (from the roosevelt stop where i live) if we go separately. actually, if i pick you up i was just planning on parking at my place and walking or taking the el anyway. i can't justify spending $20 to park in the loop when it is so close and easily assessable by the el. i'm jewish like that. does that turn you on? does it? does it?

bei mir bist du shayn! yiddish, yo! i'm fluent. (no i'm not. i totally googled that). but yiddish is sexy. talk yiddish to me in bed baby. Promise me you will!!! Promise!!

ok, someday, i seriously will stop poking fun at your peoples. but i had no clue who your peoples were until very recently. i have to catch up.

zie ga zink,

BTWi fully intend on seducing you someday. but i haven't quite figured out how yet. and next tuesday is not the place. so you're safe. (or are you?) plus, word is you *really are* married. (getting back to the potty talk, i do have to admit that I "rubbed a few off" in the *community* stevenson hall men's showers with you as my masterbatory mantra way back in the day. i bet you're glad i told you that. your life would not have been complete without hearing that. it's complete now.

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