Saturday, April 15, 2006

this is what the virgin mary looks like


if you would like to know how seriously mental i am i was looking at pictures of pregnant celebrities yesterday and decided i was pregnant probably even though i am on the pill and even though i had my period AT THAT VERY MOMENT because i was like dag that is what my stomach looks like. like there is new life in it. no it doesn't i am delusional. so i asked et if she thought the miracle of life was occuring inside me and she was like uh no idiot. of course i was like DON'T CONDESCEND TO ME, ME AND MY BABY ARE DEFYING SCIENCE! HE COULD BE JESUS VERSION 2.0!

so then i took this pregnency test that this girl brought to my house even though i said i didn't want it because she was celibate and i was going to throw it away because i decided it's trashy as hell to have pregnency tests lying around your room or whatever but luckily i am too lazy to ever do anything i decide to do. anyway the moral of the story is that i do not get to find out what happens to girls who get the messiah vacuumed out of them during the first trimester. guess who did not think this was funny. the modern day joseph of nazareth. probably when he did not think that was funny i should have been like what are you all stressed out for it's not like it would have for sure been yours. then i could have poked him in the eye. i am guessing that fucking me is probably pretty awesome but like before and after is probably like ASDKFASDKLJLAK! DEATH BY ANNOYANCE!
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