Friday, March 10, 2006

she's only six says mama i don't like my nose

mandy mandy when will those clouds all disappear?

she has beautiful eyes tell her she has beautiful eyes. you never noticed because she looks down always.

she has beautiful hair tell her she has beautiful hair it is shiny and straight and it is always going to be shiny and straight because it is that kind of wispy hair like babies have and when she wakes up it is one big tangle like a baby's and is so totally adorable. if she had hair like mine, thick and disobedient she would cut long bangs and hide behind them. i am certain of this.

my best friend and i used to slather ourselves with hawiaan tropics and lay out on her roof drinking diet cokes when we were 13. we would lay on our stomachs and untie our bikinis so we wouldn't get a line. like anyone was going to see us topless. we would spray sun in in our hair and deny it. for some reason it was important for people to think we had bright yellow hair growing out of our heads. that was the year i decided i was fat even though i was always the skinniest girl in the room.

some girls are never happy. maybe most girls. i cried when i hit 100 pounds.

in high school my fattest friend weighed 120 pounds. i called her large and in charge and i thought it was fucking hilarious. mandy still remembers being told her hands weren't feminine enough. large and in charge could probalby reverberate through a girl's psyche forever. now she is in a band and wears dresses and eats raisins for dinner.

you sit in your room because you know you are ugly you know it you know it because strange men on the street don't tell you you are beautiful because you sit in your room.

no nose job.
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