Saturday, February 18, 2006

poor people food

i am poor and poor people eat food out of cans. like spam. i will never eat spam no matter how poor i get because there is a difference between being poor and being a spam eater. spam eating is a state of mind. also i know i will not be poor forever because i had braces when i was little. people whose parents spent thousands of dollars for them to have straight teeth go on to accomlish great things in life. that is not a lie. unlike crooked teeth people aka everyone who didn't have braces who ususally ends up the produce manager at jewel or something. sometimes i meet people who didn't have braces (this hardly ever happens because duh i'm upper middle class) and when i find out i am like TEN YEARS FROM NOW YOU ARE GOING TO LIVE IN MILWAUKEE AND WORK IN A BREWERY. usually i find out because they are bragging about how they didn't need braces because their teeth are straight. um no your parents just told you that because they were poor. there is a difference between straight teeth and perfect teeth. and i am always striving toward perfection.

basically people with perfect teeth that cost ten thousand dollars or whatever don't use them to chew on spam. i can make fucking delicious poor people food. i should write a book on food for poor people but everyone knows poor people don't buy books because they can't read. haha that was a joke. of course poor people can read. this is america where the streets are paved with milk and honey. today i ate some fucking chickpeas from a can and some fucking tomatoes from a can and some garlic and some olive oil and some fucking parsely that shit was GOOD AS HELL. until i accidentally poured an entire bottle of parmesan cheese in there and then i ended up eating chickpea cheese and garlic paste which was kind of like eating hummus on a spoon OH MY GOD ACCIDENTAL HOMEMADE PARMESAN HUMMUS I AM A FUCKING CULINARY WIZARD. i guess it's like virgin hummus because the chickpeas weren't smashed SOBER HUMMUS.

i just talked on the phone to like four of my friends and i have determined that all across chicago people are drinking alone in their apartments because it is FUCKING COLD. then i talked on the phone to sabrina and i'm sure she was probably lying on a chaise lounge wearing fucking sunglasses and drinking a margarita during that time. fucking bitch. my plan for tonight is to throw rocks at people's heads but i'll wrap notes around the rocks so when they regain consciousness they will get a message from me saying 'your shirt is ugly' and then they will start crying.

if you are poor you should call me on the phone and entertain me and i will give you poor people food recipes.
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