Friday, February 03, 2006 thinks i am boring

my content has always been flat. my comments have decreased because i stopped posting pictures because i was boning a guy in a strangers front yard in the suburbs and a gatorade propel bottle full of vodka and cranberry juice spilled all over my camera and then five months later i was trashed and felt that it was absolutely necessary to take a picture of something so i tried to fix it with steam and i dropped it into boiling water and now it doesn't work even more and probably never will work again.

my content is flat because i don't know what to write. i write things in notepad that i never post and then i kill them because i'm scared somebody will find them and read them. and then they will want to cross the street and walk faster and pretend they are totally absorbed in the sidewalk when they see me coming.

my content is flat because i'm not. i write good when i'm bored and boring and sad and it's cold outside and i have to wrap blankets around myself and nobody loves me and i'm eating ramen noodles and i want to d i e. it's cold and i'm drunk all the time but i'm not in an apartment on the south side oscillating between complete self loathing and manic narcisism. why am i the best person alive i hate msyelf and want to die.

kurt vonnegut said that you should write for one person. when you open the window and make love to the world your story catches a cold. or something. he is writing for his sister. she is dead. i don't know who i'm writing this for but i know who i'm not writing this for and who i'm not writing this for is who is reading it. who i'm not writing this for is people i know in the real world of reality who don't like the way i write.

what the fuck do you want to read about tell me and i'll write it.
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