Tuesday, January 10, 2006

blow off the lie



and they don't like to see me happy i guess some of my friends told some of my other friends i have a drinking problem and some of my other friends told me. slander disguised as concern. and if i dissolve into a mess of slurred sentences and patchwork memories they will buy me a shot and add it to their mental tally of fucking drinks erin drank so later over coffee and she seriously had like 13 drinks and it's like i don't even know what i should yeah i know what you should do you should kill your fucking self.

these are the friends the friends of friends that you don't even like really but they're always like at the periphery and and you'll never get away from them and every time you talk to them you can't make your eyes not die a little bit so you talk louder and say shit like GOD THAT'S A REALLY CUTE PURSE. IT'S REALLY CUTE. and when you hear your own voice it makes you want to stab yourself in the stomach.

are they mad at me because i'm alive right now and not walking around in slow motion holding my own place in line?

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