Monday, August 22, 2005

non-anatomically correct barbie and ken are so 1952.

toys are fucking awesome. when i was little i had a bunch of barbies and me and my friend louisa used to bind and blindfold barbies and kens and take pictures of them doing sick depraved things to each other. fuck i wish i still had those pictures. yes i was a sick little kid who was totally into s&m. the secret lives of little girls.

i am going to design an incredibly detailed line of anatomically correct barbies and kens that you can actually make fuck. that is all little kids want. too bad no little kids' parents will buy them even though they should because seriously their barbies and kens are going to be fucking anyway so they might as well not be confused like i was when i thought i fucked my neighbor when i was seven except all we really did was lay on top of each other naked and move around. it's like if only i had a ken with a real cock instead of fucking lame ken with fucking breifs stenciled into his crotch i could have lost my virginity in second grade. i don't even know what is going on with barbie she has way too much space between her legs and there's nothing even there, or maybe a seam or something. yikes, a seam. female circumcision gone awry.

too bad if i had a kid and i found her barbie bondage photo stash which i wouldn't because i wouldn't be going through her shit in the first place i would definitely not yell at her because really there is nothing wrong with that and it's like why do people grow up and forget that they probably did the same type of shit when they were little. one time my mom found some pictures i drew of naked people and i fucking got in trouble. that shit makes no sense. don't punish your kid because they are sexual and you are scared of it. as fucked up as my kid would be at least it wouldn't grow up to be some sexually repressed individual that totally loses it one day and ends up raping a whore or whatever.

woah, i was totally going to write about my fucking sweet ass spawn action figures i don't even know where all of this came from it's like my brain just exploded all over the keyboard. blah blah i have opinions.
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