Thursday, August 18, 2005

might as well live

i knew this kid in high school, d. may. i met him on the porch of this church right across the street from school. we used to sit there during lunch and smoke joints and cigarettes and the groundskeeper was totally cool with it as long as we didn't leave cigarette butts all over the place.

he had the best ever pair of shell toes. they were gray and made out of some super fantastic fabric or something. i was obsessed with his shoes. mostly we used to run into each other at the trestle and come up with these wonderful elaborate plans to do things we were never going to do.

one time we went all around drinking a 40 and he showed me all his tags. we ended up making out under a bridge.

then he shot himself in the face. that's the second dead person i've kissed.

yesterday i was at xani bar's house and we found some pictures of him. he looked ridiculously happy in them. we also found a picture of this kid medhi that sat in front of me in geometry. he used to turn around in his seat and read the notes me and diana were writing. usually they didn't say anything good. observations of what people around us were doing. stuff like "turn around, arrow is staring again." or "what is chris davis doing with his pencil???" then i would kick him in the ass and diana would throw a peice of paper at me that said something like "hey, kick that dude in the ass again!"

he was killed. i never kissed him. we weren't even friends outside geometry. i don't think he had that many friends. he probably never kissed a girl. he smiled a lot though.

kids in oak park die all the time. my brother's best friend hung himself in his garage or his basement or something. his birthday was yesterday. i can't imagine walking into ace hardware and like picking out a rope to hang myself with. i wonder what it felt like. like when the casheir said "have a nice day" or whatever did he smile and say it back?

if ghosts exist where are mine?

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