it's like necro said
sometimes you love something. like drugs, or an idiot.
lets just say you love drugs. you love breathing them in your nose and walking to the lagoon and climbing the trees and swinging down on the weeping willows even though it rips your palms to shreds you don't even care because all the dopamine flooding your synapses totally dulls the pain.
maybe you're like god this is fabulous all i ever do is run around with my friends and i never sleep and i'm laughing all the time, like necro said, I LOVE DRUGS. but then one day you are all sitting around on a bridge and you're not laughing and then you realize you have practically chewed your tongue off and you are looking into the water and your head hurts and you are like FUCK! you are coming down and maybe this is the first time you have come down on a bridge and not like on your couch in front of the fireplace with a glass of milk in front of you where everything feels perfect.
this is when if you love drugs you say i don't want to come down this shit sucks and it makes me want to cry and you eat another pill but it's not going to kick in for like 20 minutes and you want up now so you snort a pill on top of it but you're never going to get back where you were because you've already started coming down and all that's going to happen now is you are going to grind your jaw and give yourself the biggest migraine of all time. the shit will not be fun.
but you'll do it again and again and again and you'll take more and more every time but you're never going to get to where you're trying to get to wherever that is.
then maybe one day you snort a pill and suddenly you have like an epiphany and run into the bathroom and stick your head under the sink and inhale water deep into your nose and blow it out furiously and you do this like ten times and when you're done you'll feel total clarity or whatever. like woah, that's over and i feel fine.
oh my god drugs are an idiot.
some people are never going to get to where they are trying to get to wherever that is.
fucking let it go.