Thursday, July 21, 2005

working at a gas station is awesome if you know...

...HOW TO FUCK THE MORNING PERSON



1. pull a bunch of lottery tickets out of the roll. rip off a middle one. stuff the rest back in the case. play it. throw it away. watch the morning person get arrested for lotto fraud.

2. throw out the latex gloves. leave your boss a note about how you couldn't clean the bathroom because you couldln't find the gloves. this is especially good if someone has smeared shit all over the place. one of the morning people who care about their job way more than you do will clean it up. laugh at them.

3. when you're counting the cigarettes at the beginning of your shift record it as five packs short. take five packs of cigarettes. the morning person's shift end count was probably off anyway because hello, the morning person is a 40 year old lady named heidi that works at a gas station and can barely read. the morning person will get written up. watch them grovel.

4. take a twenty out of your cash register when you open it. call your boss all frantic and tell him when you opened your drawer it was $20 short. go to the liquor store and buy a bottle of alcohol. if your coworker is cool take turns drinking it on top of the walk in cooler. if your co worker is really cool lock the doors and drink it on top of the walk in cooler together. if you don't want to get in trouble for this turn the power off before you do it and pretend it's a blackout.

5. tell your boss you think the morning person is a theif.

6. take a twenty out of one of the bundles in the safe. the morning person will be too stupid to count the money before they put it in their drawer. imagine the morning person closing out their drawer and spending an hour counting and recounting trying to figure out how they are coming up $20 short. laugh.

7. figure out the morning person's code and use it instead of your own to get into the gas station at night for cigarettes because you are totally geeked and ran out. grab cigarettes for everyone. forget to lock the door on your way out. watch the morning person get fired. goody, a new morning person.

8. ask your boss why he can't hire an honest morning person for once. act dismayed and ask for a raise. tell the morning person you make three dollars an hour more than they do. laugh at them.

9. lather, rinse, repeat.

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