Tuesday, July 19, 2005

what the fuck is wrong with people.

when you're watching a preview for a movie like kangaroo jack do you ever think about the fact that such a movie was made? like not only did someone think that was a good idea but then a whole bunch of other someones did too. that is probably because people are idiots. and because people are idiots stupid movies like probably kangaroo jack are number one at the box office. i would rather take my kid to see a dirty shame than kangaroo jack.

anyway my dad gets unedited proofs all the time at work and he usually gives them to me which is awesome because i get free books with mistakes in them that i can find so it's like a book and a puzzle all at once. anyway the last book he gave me was called something about better than sex chocolate or something so we thought it was like a cookbook or whatever. i didn't really want it in the first place because i don't love chocolate and i also hate when chocolate gets called better than sex because it's not and if you think it is then you are probably that fat bitch cathy from the comics and you should slap yourself.

then i opened up the book and brace yourself it's even worse than i thought, it's a self help book. it's not about chocolate at all, it's about using chocolate as a metaphor or something. the first chapter is called discovering the sweet center and it's about learning to love yourself. i'm not kidding. it even has a little chart where it's like if you are sweet and light you have a raspberry center and if you are dependable and pensive you have an almond center! i wish i made that up.

an actual person thought it would be a good idea to write this. but i guess that's not any weirder than ann geddes thinking it is a good idea to dress babies up like pumpkins and bumblebees and photograph them. the weird part is that this idiot probably has like a literary agent and a publisher and a whole bunch of other people that are probably crying under their desks right now because they just realized they didn't get into the business 20 years ago to sell their souls to the devil and publish books that are so bad you can't even figure out if they are for real.

okay i found it for you, read it and weep.
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